Doubts
by Storm Princess
Summary: Set in the 2003 universe after Splinter goes missing. Leo has convinced his brothers that they were not to blame for Splinter's disappearance, but who does Leo go to with his own ever growing doubts?
1. Don

**I'll Be Alright**

_A/N: Hey, what's up? Just gotta let you in on a little info before I start my fic. This is going to be four chapters long with song lyrics in each chapter. Yeah, Leo's gotta help his brother's before he deals with his own issues! I'm switching character pov in each chapter by the way. Other then that, I've got nothing. Enjoy! _

_Disclaimer: Yeah, no. Don't own them. Or the songs. Now go away, you pesky lawyers!_

Sudden thunder jolted me out if a light slumber I didn't even realize I was in. It was probably late. If I had to guess, I'd say about midnight, at earliest. Not that that's unusual for me, at least not lately.

I just haven't been able to sleep.

_Waiting up, but it's getting late, sometimes I wonder why I wait_

_I should know better but I hope tonight will be different_

Rain. I've always liked the rain. I always liked the rare occasions when it rained while my brothers and I were topside, and how we got soaked and how Sensei would be there, counseling us not to make so much noise but unable to hold back a small smile in spite of himself. Always liked the sound it made when it hit the sewers, it was almost soothing. And I always liked the promise of mystery that seemed to come with rain, or a storm.

_Raindrops fall on my windowpane; locking me inside my brain_

_I don't want to go out, but I don't want to be alone_

But tonight, things are different. Tonight my thoughts aren't on how beautiful the storm is, or how therapeutic the sound is. Only one thing is on my mind. _Splinter could be out in this._

The thought chills me to the bone. Sensei is getting old for his specimen; his body couldn't take that kind of shock, especially if he's wounded. And the worst thing is, there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

_And every time I tell myself I'll be alright, I'll be alright _

_But here I am, no better now than the day before_

_And I know I will never find a better life until I've tried_

_And when I try, I'll be alright_

I sigh and finally steal a glance at the clock. 4:00 am. Man, Leo would kill me if he knew I was up right now. Sensei is missing, but that doesn't mean that Leo let's us shirk our practice. He insists we keep it up, and in four hours I'll have to go to the dojo, practice, and pretend to be fine, then retire to my lab to work until I pass out from exhaustion again. Yeah, that's a bright out look for the future.

_Mirror cracks and it makes me smile_

_Looks like me in a different style_

I quietly sneak out of my lab, hoping to make it to make it to my room without waking anyone up. I'm not the best at stealth and if I'm not careful, I might wake up Raph or Leo. I pause, making sure that the lair was entirely silent. Satisfied, I continued on only to freeze when a soft yet stern voice spoke up from behind me.

"Pulling another late night, Donny?" I spin around to see Leo leaning against the wall behind me. It's dark, but the expression I can make out on his face says that this isn't the first time he's sneaking back to bed after a late night; this is just the first time he's chosen to confront me. I sigh, caught red-handed. Of course, I knew one of my brother's would confront me eventually, I just was hoping to stall for awhile longer. I really didn't want to talk about this.

_I'd wake up cold afraid of my shadow _

_Scared of things I have seen in my dreams_

I turn to face the eldest. "Yeah, I had an idea on a project."

He chuckles softly and walks up to me. His eyes seem to be shining right now, reflecting an unspoken wisdom, a look that almost demands respect. When he's standing in front of me he brings a hand up to gently grip my shoulder.

"Come on, Don. You've been doing this every night since Master Splinter disappeared. This has got to stop." I bite my lip unconsciously, still avoiding my brother's intense gaze. He continues; "I know that Sensei's disappearance has been hard on you, but it's not just that, is it Don. What else is bothering you?" He tightens his grip slightly; as if afraid I'll try to walk away just from hearing that. Truth be told, I was tempted, but would be the point? I know Leo, and he'll hound me until he gets an answer. And not just any answer, but what's truly tormenting me. And his grip on my shoulder is strong, it would be impossible to walk away from him while he has a good grip on me.

"It's just…" I suddenly feel self-conscious. It's almost impossible to express what I'm going through in words; it's really more of a feeling, like a ton of bricks resting on my chest. "If I was a better fighter, I could have protected him. You were all so strong, and because of my weakness, we all suffered." I finally establish eye contact with my brother. "I failed you, and because of me we lost our father."

A lump rose in my throat as I came to terms with that myself. I bit my lip, harder this time but I couldn't keep back the tears, the pain and guilt I'd been feeling finally came pouring out. Leo wrapped his arms around me and just held me as I cried. Part of me was embarrassed that I was sobbing into my brother's shell, but another part was just glad he was here. He tightened his already strong grip on me as my sobs caused me to shake in his grasp. He didn't say anything until my sobs finally died down, reduced to little more then small hiccups.

"Don," his voice was low and comforting. "Master Splinter's disappearance was in no way your fault. You did just as much as the others in regards to combat, and it wasn't your fault that he fell either."

"But I-"

"It wasn't your fault, Donatello." His voice was still reassuring, but had taken on an intense certainty that silenced me immediately, along with the rare use of my full name. "The fault lies entirely with Saki. You need to stop beating yourself up for his sins. The anger you should be feeling towards him you've directed toward yourself. You need to understand that this isn't you fault. Please Donny, I can't stand to see you beat yourself up like this."

_All my fears have been self-created_

_Watch them burn deep into my soul _

I shook my head annoyedly, barely hearing is explanation. "But he didn't fall, Leo. Saki pushed him out. If I had kept a closer watch on Mikey, I could have saved him myself. But I didn't, and our father ended up doing it instead. And now he's gone. Because of me."

Leo gripped my shoulders even tighter and shook me. "No, Don. That wasn't your fault; you had just been kicked in the stomach! Our father was the only one who wasn't immediately injured and close enough to actually help. If you had gone, the Shredder would have just hurt you instead. And you and the others fought in my absence and kept him from going to hurt Sensei further. You did nothing wrong." He loosened his grip on my shoulders somewhat, but still held them firmly.

I was uncertain how to respond. I know now that my brother is right; the fault lay with Saki, not with me. Surely, the Shredder would love to see me tear himself apart for his own evil deed. I find it strange that I didn't think of that earlier. And I'm supposed to be the smart one. I'm not sure I feel entirely absolved, but that's okay. I know Leo's going to be here with me every step of the way. It's just what he does.

Leo squeezed my shoulder lightly. "You still with me, Donny?" I suppose since I had been silent for so long, he thought I'd fallen asleep or something. Come to think of it I _was_ pretty tired. Guess that happens when you go a week with minimal sleep. I nodded against his shoulder.

"Yeah. Thanks Leo." He gave my shoulder one last squeeze before he let me go. We each headed to our bedroom doors and just before I shut mine I said softly, "G'night Leo."

I just caught him smiling at me in the dark. "Good night Don."

_In my soul…_


	2. Mikey

**Someone's Watching Over Me**

Anger. Really, it's an emotion I'd usually connect to my brother Raph. After all, he's normally the one that storms off topside at the lightest provocation, not me. At least, not me usually. Lately, I find that I can identify with his anger. But there's more then that here, there's fear, hatred and anger. Yeah, lots of that. Oi, I'm getting a headache. Let me start over…

Normally I'd never snap at anyone irritably, much less April. I mean, I know she means well, its just hard is all.

_**Flashback**_

"_Hey Mikey." _

"_Hey April." _

"_Is Donnie here? I need to talk to him."_

"_He's in his lab." I'm putting out every go away vibe that I can. I really don't want to talk to anyone right now._

_She frowns slightly, not used to getting the cold shoulder, much less from me. She gently lays a hand on my shoulder. "I'm really sorry about Splinter." _

"_Okay." _

"_If there's anything I can do, just-"_

"_There's nothing, okay! There's nothing you can do, so just back off!" I shrug her hand off my shoulder and storm out of the Lair and by the time I'm on the rooftops, I'm sobbing. It's because I have to keep hearing 'He's gone.' And it's hitting me again, harder and harder. My father is gone._

_**End **__**Flashback**_

And that's where I was right now, a good twenty minutes later, on my knees and still crying a little bit. "This is stupid," I mutter to myself. "I'll just go home, apologize, and play a video game or something. What else is there to do anyway? We can't even search for our own father until its dark out. We're monsters."

_I found myself today, I found myself and ran away_

A sudden voice from behind me causes me to jump in surprise. "Not so, Mikey. Monsters are cruel or sadistic people. We and our master our far from that." Leo. I should've known he'd come after me. I hastily rubbed at my eyes and turned to face my brother.

"There's more then one definition for monster, Leo."

"I know." His voice is casual. So, what does he want? An explanation?

"If you're here to tell me to apologize to April, don't bother. I'm going back to do it right now."

"No you're not. You and I are going to have a talk first."

_But something pulled me back, a voice of reason I forgot I had_

Great. He's come to force the truth out of me. Find out how deep my anguish went. This is really not my night.

"Why? I said I was going to apologize. Are you gonna lecture me on what I said or something?" My response even surprised me. I don't normally speak to Leo like that; I have a lot of respect for him. I still do, but I just want him to leave me alone right now.

But, in true Leo form, he either ignores or simply doesn't get the message.

_All I know is your not here to say what you always used to say, but it's written in the sky tonight _

He ignores my anti social tone and comes to stand next to me, kneeling in the Lotus Position so he's at my still sitting level. "I wasn't intending to lecture you, Mikey." He speaks in a quiet yet firm tone which always serves as a signal to listen to what he has to say. "I was just going to ask you how long you intend to bottle up your fear and hurt before you talk to me about it." He speaks with calm certainty, his tone telling me that denying it would do no good. I know that. He's not the leader for nothing.

_So I won't give up, no I won't break down_

_Sooner then it seems life turns around_

_And I will be strong, even if it all goes wrong, when I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe _

_Someone's watching over me_

I give him a slight glare, not quite ready to submit to the 'older brother' tone just yet.

"What makes you think there's something wrong?"

He gives me a look that plainly says, 'C'mon, who do you think you're dealing with' and replies, "As if your outburst earlier wasn't a hint that you're not yourself, you haven't been joking around and you haven't even been playing your video games. I know that our Sensei's disappearance has hurt you, Mike, but that's not the only thing that's troubling you, is it. What else is wrong, Michelangelo?"

"It's not your problem, Leo. I can handle it myself." I move as if to get up but he puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes down firmly, keeping me in place. I don't even bother resisting, even in the Lotus Position he's taller then me and can easily hold me in place.

"Mikey, you know as well as I that's not true. This has been consuming you for too long, and I will not allow it to destroy you. Besides, you're my brother, when you have a problem, I have a problem. I thought you'd figured that out by now." He squeezes my shoulder gently but doesn't let go, a subtle warning that I shouldn't try to get up again. I heed the warning; if I provoke him enough, he'll just wrestle me to the ground and keep me pinned there until I'm ready to talk. It's happened before. And I'm not as strong as Raph or even Donnie; Leo barely has to exert any force to restrain me.

_I've seen that ray of light, and its shining on my destiny_

_Shining all the time, and I won't be afraid, to follow everywhere it's taking me_

_All I know is yesterday is gone and right now I belong to this moment to my dreams_

You know what I was saying about all those emotions earlier? Well, I've got one now that's even worse. Disappointment. I know that Leo's gonna push me until I answer him, and he knows why I'm so upset. It kinda hurts to have to tell your big brother, your hero, that you're a failure, a disgrace. I felt something moist hit my arm and startle me out of my musings. Great. Now I'm crying in front of Leo, as if the situation wasn't awkward enough.

He doesn't seem to mind, he just pulls me closer to him wraps his arms around me. I bury my head into his shoulder despite myself, drawing minuscule comfort from the gentle embrace.

_So I won't give up, no I won't break down_

_Sooner then it seems life turns around_

_And I will be strong, even if it all goes wrong, when I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe_

_Someone's watching over me _

I don't know how long he sat there with me, but eventually I ran out of the energy to cry. He didn't let me go then though, his grip got even tighter as I trembled from the sobs. When I was barely hiccupping he spoke up, his voice gentle and reassuring.

"Talk to me, Mikey. I'm here."

I gave a mixture of a sigh and a hiccup and spoke up. "It's just-" He gave a small start, apparently not expecting me to speak up so quickly. "I'm always thought of as the baby by you guys, so you all try to protect me. Our Sensei, our father took a blow for me, and as a result he got thrown out a window. If I had been paying more attention, Shredder wouldn't have been able to get the drop on me and Sensei wouldn't have had to save me."

"Mikey-"

"And, he was probably disappointed in me. If I had spent less time playing video games and being the wise guy and spent more time training, I could have saved him, or at least have been able to protect myself. And Sensei knows that, he practically knows everything! So when he fell, he must've known it was all my fault. I failed him."

Leo gripped my chin and tilted it up so I was looking him in the eyes. "Michelangelo, I don't want to ever hear you say that again." Gone was the soft tone he used when I was crying, instead he was using an intense tone of leadership, one that always demanded respect. "You didn't fail anyone; you did the best you could! Master Splinter knows that, and he would never place the blame on you for Saki throwing him out the window. It wasn't your fault that Shredder came after you; he did the same to Donny and Raph. He would have come after you know matter where you were, and he would have gone after Sensei next. None of us could prevented it, and it was nowhere near your fault. You need to understand that, because until you do, you will be placing the blame on yourself when it lies with the Shredder. It was his fault, Mikey, not yours." He's not holding my chin anymore, but I can't bring myself to look away from his intense gaze.

My voice was slightly disbelieving as I asked, "So you don't think it was my fault?"

He pulls me into another hug, his voice holding the same intense certainty. "Of course I don't Mikey. None of us do. We all know you did the best you could, and we don't place any of the fault with you."

_It doesn't matter what people say, and it doesn't matter how long it takes_

_Believe in yourself and you'll find, that it only matters true you are_

_Be true to yourself and follow your heart_

Feeling much better, I leaned into the unforgiving strength of my brother's plastron. "Thanks Leo."

He responds by squeezing me tighter. "Anytime Mikey."

He gets up and pulls me up as well. "Let's go home, Mikey."

I genuinely smile for the first time in almost a week. "I'm all for that."

_So I won't give up, no I won't break down, sooner then it seems life turn around_

_And I will be strong, even when it all goes wrong, when I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe_

_Someone's watching over me_


	3. Raph

**Bring me to Life**

I growled angrily as my fist made contact with the innocent punching bag. No, not Michelangelo, my actual punching bag. _Right, left, kick. Right, left, kick. Righ- aw, why the hell are you bothering? _Yeah, what a surprise, isn't it? I'm angry.

I leave the dojo and grab my upper world disguise, completely ignoring the others. "I'm goin' topside." I spare a glance at Leo; I hope the fierceness of my glare helps him get the message to leave me alone. He doesn't say anything, but he looks like he really wants to. I hope he doesn't try to follow me. If he comes after me, it's not gonna be for company or to get in a fight, although that's probably what it'll come to if he shadows me. It'll be to make me deal with my issuses; he'll be wantin' to force the truth out of me and get why I've been so different lately.

Yeah, even I know my anger has been more extreme then usual.

I walk around topside for a while, somewhat disappointed about not finding any lowlifes to put through the wringer when I sense someone following me. I spare a quick glance over my shoulder but I don't see anyone look away or acting suspicious. It's probably Leo, but I decide to make for the rooftops, just in case I'm wrong.

While I'm heading up I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched, and its really startin' to grate on my nerves. Once I'm on the rooftops I glance around at my surroundings, trying to place anything unusual. I still can't see anything out of the ordinary though. _And yet I was so sure…_

"A little tense, aren't we Raph."

Leo. I'd looked everywhere but above me. He jumps down, coming to stand next to me in a somewhat defensive stance. He's looking me in the eyes, searching for something. 'Course I expect this from him and I've already closed them off. Sensei's always saying that the eyes are a window to the soul. Well, _I_ say you should draw shades on 'em so peeping toms don't look in.

And yet, somehow, that doesn't seem to work on him. Never did, really. Even when we were kids, he had this uncanny ability to tell when something was wrong, to be able to read our minds it seemed. I'd try to block him out sometimes, but it didn't even matter. He's always able to see past my defenses.

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors_

_Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb_

"I thought I said I wanted to be left alone."

"No, you only said you were going topside." His voice is infuriatingly calm, which only serves to rile me up more.

"Thought even you would be smart to get the message Fearless."

He remains silent for a while, but I wouldn't say it's from a loss of words.

"Do you want to talk about it?" There's no need to clarify what 'it' was.

"No, I don't. It's none of your business. But I suppose you ain't gonna heed that message. Otherwise you wouldn't be up here."

He seems to be trying to compose his thoughts. I know he's already talked to Don and Mikey, Don hasn't been pulling as many all nighters and Mikey's back to his normal, obnoxious self. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad their all right, but now Leo thinks he can do the same with me. And he can't. Simple as that.

When he does speak up, it's in a softer tone. He seems to be tryin' to prevent an outburst. "You don't need to keep this in, Raph. I'm here, and I can help you, if you'll let me. I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm fine, I don't need your help." He seems to be losing more patience with every sentence.

"You're not fine, Raph! Everyone needs help sometimes, even you. You're not invincible, so swallow your damn pride for once and accept some help!" Whoa. Okay, that caught me off guard. Leo only swears when he's _majorly_ pissed off. And Pissed Leo is not a pretty thing to see, particularly if you're the focus of his attention. I try to keep the surprise from showing in my expression as I retaliate:

"Like I said, it's my own problem. I'm not gonna stand here and listen to any more of this. I'm headin' back." I go to make for the Lair, but he stands in front of me, blocking my way. "Move!"

"Make me." He replies, drawing his katanas.

I respond by drawing my sai and leaping at him.

_Without a soul, my spirits sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

Usually when Leo and I fight, we're both fighting like it's a mortal match. But this time, he's not putting nearly as much effort as he can in and it's pissing me off. It's like he's saying I'm not a worthy enough opponent to use full force on.

_Wake me up, wake me up inside _

_I can't wake up; call my name and save me from the night_

_Bid my blood to run before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

And then, after about fifteen minutes, he starts pushing, a lot harder then he was before. That sneak. He used one of his favorite strategies, put as little force in as possible, then strike back when your opponent lets his guard down. And, much as I hate to admit it, I find myself losing.

After what I'd guess to be about thirty minutes of intense fighting, I drop to my knees. I'm tryin' to will myself to get up, but I know it ain't happening. Leo knows exactly where my limits are, exactly where to push. Comes with being the leader I guess. Or maybe he's got 'big brother' vibes. Don't ask me. I'm not him.

I feel his presence as he comes to stand next to me. I know he's just gonna bug me until I answer, he's always done that when he sensed something wrong with any of us. It's as annoying as hell, but even I have to admit it's affective. I want to be left alone, but I can tell from my brother's stance and the look of determination in his eyes that I ain't leavin' any time soon.

_Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me _

"Look at yourself, Raph. You're exhausted. If I was an enemy, I could have killed you by now. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, or Donnie, to see that something's weighing you down. And you and I both know you're not going to get over it until you talk about it!"

I stay quiet for a minute. In situations like this, I prefer to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, but not quite the _whole_ truth. But one look at Leo stills that urge. Ah, might as well get this over with.

"I should've been the one."

He looks up, surprised. "Huh?"

"Master Splinter went after Mikey 'cause you were to far away, and Don had been kicked hard enough to keep him down for a while. I had been hit too, but I should've been strong enough to get over there and at least knock him out of the way. It shoulda never been Sensei who went, if I had gone it wouldn't have mattered if Shredder threw me out a window, I can handle that. Sensei's old; the falling alone was enough to hurt him, along with taking a blow in Mikey's place. And as if that isn't bad enough, I find out that he just disappears after he tells you to leave to protect our sorry selves. It never should've happened like that. So really, Saki didn't throw him out the window, I did."

_Breathe into me and make me real _

_Bring me to life_

I don't look at Leo, but I can feel his disbelief being directed at me. He not standin,' he took to sittin' in the Lotus Position awhile ago. I know Splinter wouldn't have blamed me for what happened, but I dunno if Leo won't blame me. Leo _always _blames me. I blame myself. I'm the strongest son, and as such I'm the protector of the family. I failed to protect my youngest bro, and as a result we lost our Sensei. More then that. We lost our father. Because of me.

It's at least a minute before he speaks up again. "Raph, I know that you feel that it was your fault, but it really wasn't." He holds up a hand to silence any rebuttal. "I know that you view yourself as a protector of the family, much like I do. Even so, you need to face reality, Raph. Considering you had been knocked across the room, there's a good possibility that you wouldn't have made it in time, and if you attempted it you could have tore something or possibly have slammed into Splinter. Our father went, and there was nothing you or any of the other's could've done to prevent that. He went because he knew none of us could, and he doesn't hold that against any of us. Including you, Raph."

_All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see; kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me_

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems, got to open my eyes to everything_

_Without a voice; without a soul, don't let me die here there must be something more_

I listen all the way through, gauging the truthfulness of his words when he's finally finished. Satisfied, I nod slightly in acknowledgement. I can't help but wonder if he's secretly blaming himself for this but I don't bother bringing it up. Knowing Leo, he'll think I wasn't paying attention to his lecture and just make some statement like, 'I'm fine' or 'Don't worry about it' regardless of how he feels. Hmm. Maybe I'll talk with him about that later. But right now we're dealing with my issues.

He seems satisfied that I got his point and stands from his kneeling position. I stand as well and give Fearless a half smile in appreciation. It ain't much, but I know he understands. Somehow I know.

He returns the smile which then turns into a rare wicked grin. "Race you home." And he's off before I can even reply. I shake my head and run after him, by the looks of it he's okay after all…

_Bring me to life…_

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! Had a little problem with writers block, Raph was awful stubborn about bringing his issues to light. I think I did okay though, what do you guys think? Give me some feedback, 'k? I'll try to get the Leo chapter up soon! Btw, am I the only one who thinks Raph and Leo are really close in the 2003 series? I know they fight a lot, but I mean, Raph helped him repair his katanas at Casey's grandma's house, and that race scene was a good brother moment to. I'm just curious, so give me your opinion on it! (You know, if you want to)**


	4. Leo

**Over It**

Snap kick. Back fist strike. Lunge. I sigh as I move into the next series of katas, this isn't helping. I swear, I've tried everything to try to find some peace of mind, just enough to be able to get us through this with a clear head. It worked for a while, but it's helping less and less every time. Even meditating doesn't help anymore.

_How could you know that behind my eyes a sad guy cried_

I've helped all of my brothers to stop blaming themselves for what happened to Sensei, but I've told them all one thing I can't believe. The fault doesn't lie entirely with Saki. Most of it lies with me.

_And how could you know that I hurt so much inside_

I move into another set of katas, barely registering the complex motions. I've put my swords away for now; I don't need them for this set. I wonder what time it is. After midnight, I'm sure. I'm glad that my brother's haven't noticed anything amiss; I know they would be worried if they knew about all the sleepless nights I've been having. It's a miracle I've kept them in the dark for so long, though I think Raph has his suspicions.

_How could you know, that I'm not your average dude I'm carrying the wait of the world_

I just finish a snap kick when I feel a hand clamp down on my shoulder. I don't even call for help, on instinct I've already spun around to punch my newfound opponent. I feel him/her release my shoulder and grab my wrists instead, pinning them in a strong grip. I try to wrench free, but my assailant pushes me down and I find myself staring at the ceiling with their knee on my chest. I try pulling my hands free again, but whoever's holding me down still has a tight grip on my wrists. When I find that I can't move, I finally steal a glance at my attacker only to do a double take. Raph?

_So can you get me out of here_

I instantly stop struggling when I recognize that it's my red masked brother pinning me to the floor with a smug look on his face. When he realizes I'm not going to fight anymore, he gets off me, giving me a hand up as well. I accept then shake him off. I know why he's down here. It's the same reason he tried to corner me in my room a couple days ago. He knows something's wrong, and he wants to get me to talk about it. Just like I did with him, Donnie, and Mikey.

I don't change my deadpan expression as he starts talking. "Jeez, Leo, and you say _I'm _jumpy."

I sigh. "What do you want, Raph?"

He arches a brow then replies, "I guess you're not a morning turtle either then, huh?"

"Morning?"

"It's 5:00 am, bro. Which brings me back to the reason I'm here. What the shell are you doing in here at five am?"

I groan inwardly, suddenly finding the wall very interesting. "I couldn't sleep." That much was true. What I didn't mention was that I don't bother trying anymore.

His expression tells me he's not buying it. Figures. "Uh-huh, and when exactly _did_ you try to get some sleep, Leo?"

He doesn't give me time to respond before continuing; "Don't bother answering, 'cause I know you've been in here all night. What's wrong?"

I stare at him with forced innocence. Why can't he leave me alone? Why does he have to choose now to be like me? "Raph, you know I always practice in the morning. Why are you choosing now to make an issue out of it? Last I checked, you weren't a morning turtle, either."

His eyes narrow and that's all the warning I get before his hand lashes out and grabs my wrist, gripping tightly. "Don't play with me, Leo! You and I both know that you're not okay, and I'm not leaving until I know why! And don't you dare say 'I'm fine' or 'It's not your problem,' it damn well is my problem. You're my brother, and I ain't about to let you beat yourself up over whatever. Now, what's wrong?" He's tightening his grip on my wrist, and I can feel my hand start to go numb. Raph is putting all his power into the hold, and since he's the strongest that's saying a lot. If I don't start talking soon it's going to start hurting. Besides, I can't avoid Raph forever.

_Take me away, we'll jump in the car, we'll talk when the gas runs out and we've walked so far_

_And we can't see this place anymore_

_Take a day off; give it a rest, so I can forget about this mess_

_If I lighten up a little bit then I will be over it_

I speak up, not breaking my gaze on the wall. "I- I just feel responsible for what happened."

He looks at me, trying to establish eye contact. "With Sensei?"

"Yeah. I know what I said to you it being all Saki's fault, but that's not entirely true. I know that it's his fault for throwing Master Splinter out the window, but _I _left him there. I saved him only to lose him again. I could've gotten him somewhere safe, then met up with you guys, or at least gotten him out of sight, but no! I left him right out in the open, where anyone could get to him. Thanks to me, our father is missing. And none of you guys even blame me, even though you should. I'm not the 'Fearless Leader' you guys make me out to be. I can't even protect my own family."

The grip on my wrist loosens somewhat, but I don't bother trying to yank it free. If I try Raph will just tighten his grip again. "Leo, you don't really believe that crap, do ya? You oughta know that wasn't your fault. Look at me, Leo." He uses his free hand to grab my chin gently, forcing me to make eye contact. "From what you told us, Sensei told you to leave him there, and he was well aware of the potential consequences, bro. He ain't stupid, he knew we needed you, and he was right. Frankly, if you hadn't shown up when you did, things might've gotten ugly. And if you had tried to bring him back up, he probably would've been targeted and hurt, if not worse. You did the best you could, and if Sensei was here he'd tell you the same thing."

"But he's not, is he." I half mutter under my breath.

"No, but we'll find him." Raph's tone is calm, so different from the gruff one I'm accustomed to.

_I'm playing the role of the happy guy that no one knows, inside I'm alone, but I would never let it show_

_I get every day, to much work and not enough play_

_Over and over, it's always the same_

_But you can make everything okay_

I don't know why it was so hard to see before, but Raph's right. For once I can see that it wasn't my fault for _any _of it, not him falling or me having to leave him on that rooftop. I don't know how Raph did it, but I actually feel better. All this over the simplest of answers.

_And when the world is closing in, I can always leave and just walk away_

_I can always start all over again; I am closer to another day_

I nod slightly. "Maybe you're right, Raph."

He rolls his eyes and smirks in his usual way. "Of course I'm right, I'm always right. And I don't know about you, but I'm tired. You comin', or do I have to drag you to bed?"

I smile back at him. "I'm coming, I'm coming." He releases my wrist and turns to leave.

"Raph?" He turns back to me with a confused expression.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." Without even knowing why, I wrap my arms around his shell. He freezes for a second, then hugs me back just as fiercely. I know that people think Raph and I don't get along so great, but honestly, that's just surface. He's my best friend, and I know he thinks of me as his. No one could ever break us apart if they wanted too. And that's the truth. If he wasn't here I would've drowned in my own guilt. But because he was here, I'm going to be okay. And we're going to find Sensei.

_Take me away, we'll jump in the car, we'll talk when the gas runs out and we've walked so far_

_And we can't see this place anymore_

_Take a day off; give it a rest, so I can forget about this mess_

_If I lighten up a little bit then I will be over it_

**A/N: Wow, I can't believe this is done already! I enjoyed writing it, thanks for reading it you guys! Oh, btw this song is by a female singer, so I changed the parts where she says 'girl' to 'guy'. That's the only thing I changed, I swear! The song just really applies to Leo, and I thought would be weird for the song to refer to him as a girl… **

**Later!**


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